Old!

Have a relative who's not dead yet? Are you too busy to respond to their incessant cries of "When's lunch" or "I've fallen and I can't get up"? Why not provide them with a luxurious life of checkers and mahjong tournaments at Abandoned Aged: A Senior Community? Located behind the Shabby Rest Motel, the Administration Building offers easy drive-through drop off. And there are plenty of 30-minute parking meters for when you visit.

Abandoned Aged has been such a success that the owners are ready to break ground on their new neighborhood, Alzheimer Village. From their sales brochure: "A barbed wire perimeter virtually guarantees that your loved one won't wander away or be eaten by coyotes. Alzheimer Village, ready for occupancy next November as long as we remember to build it."