Lot!

The Empty Lot Corporation of America (ELCA) has announce the opening of its newest empty lot, at the corner of Main Street and Lernta Drive. The former site of the entrance to The Mall of Anachronism and Spiritual Googolplex, it promises to be one of the Corporation's empty-lottiest locations.

I spoke with ELCA (pronounced "el-kah") local manager Beatrice "Lottie" Kim, who told me "We at ELCA (pronounced "eel'-kaye") are very happy to bring the full empty lot experience to The City of Anachronism. The city, with its high taxes and generally mediocre business environment, is known for being a fertile ground for empty lots. We're upping the city's empty lot game."

They're having a Grand Opening celebration to celebrate the Grand Opening. Ms. Kim noted that the event boasts the usual things one expects at such an event.

"Lots of funny hats and empty promises about the future, much like a political rally."

I asked Beatrice how ELCA (pronounced however you want) got to be so successful at generating empty lots.

"First, I should point out that the Spiritual Googolplex still lives. As a religion center it pays no taxes, which makes it very profitable.

"To answer your question, our success comes from our financial practices. We find a relatively successful operation and buy it via a leveraged buyout. In fact, we specialize in over-leveraged buyouts. The new acquisition can't make nearly the money needed to pay off the massive debt burden, so it quickly goes bankrupt. We sell the whole thing off at pennies on the dollar. People become unemployed. The locale has less to offer. And we lose a ton of cash. The only way to keep ourselves from going bankrupt is to make a profit off of the empty lot.

"It's the American way."

All true Americans are welcome to meet Lottie in person next Tuesday, from 1:00 to 1:05, at The City of Anachronism's newest barren concrete wasteland.